


Encompassing

by romanticalgirl



Series: Interludes in the Present [6]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-06
Updated: 2014-02-06
Packaged: 2018-01-11 10:28:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1171971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl





	Encompassing

Willow is staring at herself in the mirror, her eyes moist with tears. She's wearing her wedding gown. She glances at the price and sighs. Or maybe not. Stepping off the platform, she parts the curtains and walks out to join me. I'm staring at her, not really seeing her.

"Thinking about Angel?" 

I jerk my head up, feeling the blush coming on. "Sort of." 

"What do you think?" Willow steps forward, letting the dress fall around her feet. The satin material swishes quietly. 

I smile slowly, marveling at my friend. How did we all come to this? "It's beautiful, Will. You look like awell, princess makes me think of Drusilla, souhmgoddess." 

Laughing, Willow turns to face the mirror again. "It's expensive though." 

"All wedding dresses are expensive. You have to think of it like this, you're only going to get married once. You're only going to marry Giles once. Don't you want to show his parents that you're the most beautiful girl in the world?" I tilt my head as a strange look passes over Willow's face. "You are only going to get married once, right? You're not going to get my Watcher's hopes up then crush him under your boot heel when you run off to marry Xander or Oz, are you?" 

Willow laughs. "I promise, I'm not going to crush Giles under my boot heel. Or leave him for anyone else. I was just thinking about his family." She smoothes one hand over the midsection of the dress. "Our family." 

I take a deep breath and look down at my hands. "Willow, can I ask you a serious question?" 

"Sure, Buffy. You know you can ask me anything." 

I nod. "Why don't you go change and we'll go out to lunch. When we get done with that, we'll come back and you can put your payment down. It's always good to think things through." 

Willow's eyebrow shoots up. I can almost hear her wondering when I started thinking things through. "All right. I'll go change." 

***

The restaurant was fairly empty. I glance around, making sure we're out of earshot of the other patrons before looking at Willow. "I want towell, I don't want to, but I need to talk to you about something. It's really important, but we're best friends, so if I don't tell you I'm going to feel horrible about it for the rest of my life. I thought I could get away without it ever becoming an issue, but I guess I'm wrong and"

"Buffy." Willow catches one of my flailing hands and holds it to the table. "Just tell me?" 

I take a deep breath. "You remember the night at the Bronze, after this thing with you and Giles had first started and I got so wigged and I took off?" 

"Yes." 

"Well, Giles followed me and we had a talk, and I started to be okay about it. Not any less wigged at first, until I saw how much you guys loved each other and everything, but I started to be okay." I swallow and pick up my water glass. Draining half of it in on drink, I set it back down and stare at the clinking ice. "Well, before he caught up with me, I did some thinking and I realized a few things about myself that I'm not particularly proud of." 

"Such as?" Willow's voice is quiet and calm. Her green eyes are troubled, reflecting her worry over my obvious distress. 

"I was jealous." 

"Jealous?" The soft tone hardens just slightly as the numerous implications of the word hit her. 

"Not sexually jealous, not of Giles. I mean, I was a little jealous that I couldn't have what you had - someone to love me, that is, not Giles to love me and I'm really saying this all wrong." 

"I know what you mean. It's all right." 

I smile weakly in thanks. "But there was a worry that I was going to lose my best friend to my Watcher and my Watcher to my best friend. And I was upset about that. And, as much as I hate myself for it, I wanted to tell Giles that I wouldn't let him have you. I needed him to help me and guide me and he couldn't do that if you were in his life." 

Willow straightens, her green eyes darkening. "You told him that?" 

"I didn't have to, Wills. He could tell. He knows me." I look up at her friend, and cursed myself mentally for the doubts shadowing Willow's eyes. "He could tell. But I told him no. I told him I was just being selfish and I didn't want him to leave you. I wanted you two to be together. And I'm so happy that you have each other." 

Willow starts to stand, unsure of what to say or do. "Well, I appreciate you telling me this, Buffy. And I want you to know"

"That's not all." 

Willow sinks back into her chair, looking like her heart is crushed into a million pieces. "Of course it's not." 

"Giles told you about the dream he had that told him he and I should complete the Ritual?" 

The look intensifies. "Yes." 

"Well, I'veII had dreams too." Guilt fills my blue eyes as I stare at Willow's hands, focusing on her engagement ring. "Prettyrisqué dreams." 

"Of you andGiles?" The soft whisper barely makes it across the table. 

I reach out for Willow's hand, not surprised when she pulls them away. "I don't want to have them. But it's like my subconscious telling me that we need to complete the Ritual for me to have any peace. But I don't want to. Not at all! I swear, Willow. I don't want to"

"Fuck him?" Willow's pain filled green eyes meet mine finally. "Tell me the truth, Buffy, since it seems so important to you now, do you want to? Do you want to make love to him and complete the bond the two of you are supposed to share?" 

"I wantI want to be whole, Willow. I haven't felt that way since the one time withwith Angel." 

"And you think Rupert will make you whole?" 

I nod reluctantly, not sure at all. "I think that's what the dreams are trying to tell me." 

"You know what happened before? You know what happens when a Slayer and Watcher complete the Ritual?" 

"I think so." I hang my head. "I know that it's selfish, but I don't get to be selfish. Ever. I have to go out every night and keep the world safe for everyone else. Is it so wrong for me to want to have a moment of peace? A moment of happiness?" 

Willow stands and gathers her things. "No Buffy, it's not wrong for you to want those things. Not at all. We all owe you, don't we? For what you do." 

I watch my best friend walk away, tears running down her cheeks. "Willow?"

"He's at the library today, Buffy. Go make your dreams come true." 

***

I walk into the library, my head down. I didn't mean to come here, didn't mean to make a bad situation even worse. I'd walked by the wedding shop as I left the café, noticing Willow staring at the gown she'd been so happy wearing just a half hour before. 

Did being the Slayer make you selfish? Did it make you so hurtful? Was this the real reason being the Slayer was supposed to be a secret? So that you didn't hurt people you were supposed to love? So that I didn't hurt the people who loved me? 

"Buffy? Is everything all right?" Giles' voice brings my head up. "I thought you were out with Willow today." 

"I was." I sink dejectedly into one of the chairs lining the table. "Am I a bad person, Giles?" 

"What?" He moves over to sit next to me, turning me to face him. "Why would you say such a thing? You're a wonderful, brave young woman." 

"Is the truth always the right thing, even if it hurts someone?" 

"What is this about, Buffy?" He looks at me, taking my hands in his. I wonder if he has any clue how horrible my thoughts are. I wonder if he'll hate me when he knows. 

I stare at our joined hands for a long moment. "You remember when you and Willow first started this? You remember the talk we had?" 

He leans back in his chair as understanding dawns. "I see. You're changing your mind then? You've decided that, after all this time, you don't want the two of us together?" 

I shake my head. "No. It's not that. It's thatI've been having dreams. You remember when Willow was in the hospital and I had that dream while I was in your office?" When he nods his head, I continue. "I've had that dream at least once a week since. It's like a prophecy dream, only it's not a prophecy. It's aa"

"Just tell me, Buffy. You can tell me anything." His voice is quiet and calm, much like Willow's had been. He squeezes her hand. "If you tell me, perhaps we can make them go away." 

I can't help but laugh bitterly. "I keep dreaming that we complete the Ritual. And as soon as it's done you and Willow both hate me. She accuses me of doing it all on purpose and" I sob, unable to keep the noise in, unable to keep the tears from running down my cheeks. "And I want the dreams to go away, Giles, but I don't want to lose my best friend. And I don't know what to do." 

He pulls me into his arms and lets me cry, smoothing my hair as he holds me. "Buffy, it's all right. It's all right." 

I pull away, suddenly aware of how close we are. "No it's not, Giles. I keep dreaming about you andand me. And then when we're finished you hate me and you tell me that I've ruined your life and that you're going to have to spend the rest of your life with me and then you change into Willow and"

"Buffy." 

I sniffled and look up at him. "Yes?" 

"Come here." He tugs on my hand and pulls me into his lap. Oh good. Because we need to be closer while we're discussing this. He stares at the double doors of the library. "I'm no psychiatrist. In fact, the only one I know of in all of Sunnydale is Willow's mother and I wouldn't inflict her on Ethan." 

I can't help but giggle. "I would." 

"But I would imagine that a lot of what is at the base of these dreams is a deep seated fear that you're being left alone. Left behind. I know how difficult it is for you with Angel in Los Angeles. And I know how difficult it was when he was here. I know that you feel that you're never going to have happiness. But you will. I swear it. I don't know that you'll ever find a love like you have with Angel. Not everyone is that lucky." 

"I had it once." 

"Yes. And that is more than most people have in a lifetime. But you have to know that Willow and I have no intention of leaving you. You're a part of our family." He turns my face to his and smiles at me. "You're a most important part." 

"Thanks you, Giles, but"

"And the other half of the dream, I would imagine is simply a manifestation of the guilt you feel for allowing Willow to get hurt. You feel as though you're the reason it happened and so you keep punishing yourself for it. I did the same thing when Randall died at the hands of Eyghon." 

"But Giles...why would I have"

"The Ritual is a mind game. It's about power and dominance. It's about tying people together for all the wrong reasons. It has been completed and recorded fourteen times. And all of those time the Watcher has ended up staying with his Slayer. But Buffy, what it doesn't say is that the Ritual was used as a method to get rid of wives who no longer proved of any help to the Council. They were barren or they had some other problem." 

"You didn't tell me that in my dream." 

"Well, I imagine I was trying to get you to shag in your dream." 

"Oh no! You weren't!" I shake my head adamantly. "I was doing the getting. I mean"

"Buffy, I love Willow with my heart and my soul. But my love for you, just like the love I'll have for my child, doesn't diminish because of my love for her. It expands. It encompasses. I don't need the Ritual to share the love of both of you. I don't need to complete it to let Willow share your strength. I have your strength, just as she does. You're a part of what makes our love so strong, Buffy." 

"Really?" 

"Really." We both turn to see Willow standing in the doorway. "Although I completely understand your desire to get into his tweed." 

I blush with a mixture of embarrassment and worry. "I really, really don't want that." 

Willow walks over and stands next to us. Giles wraps his arm around her waist, holding both of us close to him. "You're our family, Buffy. I hope you do know that." 

I nod, the tears returning. "I'm sorry, Willow." 

"Don't be. We shouldn't have secrets. And I know that it took a lot of courage to say those things when you knew they might hurt me." 

"I'll completely understand if you don't want"

"Don't you dare say it." Willow glares at me and I feel the friendship between us once again. "You'd better be standing beside me when I marry him." 

Nodding tearfully, I smile. "I promise, Will." 

Giles squeezes Willow's waist before helping me to my feet. He stands as well and pulls me to him in a tight hug. Kissing the top of my head, he glances over at Willow. "You'll tell us if you have the dream again?" 

"I promise." I gazed at both of them, relief shining in my eyes. "But I really don't think it's going to be an issue any more." 

"Good." Willow hooks her arm through mine. "So, what do you say to going to help me pay far too much for a dress I'm only wearing once in my life?" 

"I say, since when have you known me to turn down an opportunity to spend someone else's money?" 


End file.
